You'll Laugh When You Hear About Whitney Cummings's Bizarre Tinder Date

Whitney Cummings is one candid lady. The comedian spoke to us about dating, Tinder, and her comedy tour — to say it was a lively conversation would be an understatement. Her dating stories are worthy of an entire memoir, and she only told us a few. Keep reading to find out about her bad date, her biggest pet peeve, and what she definitely doesn't do in the bedroom. Also be sure to find out how the star opened up to us about her triumphs and failures with body image.

"Relationships are getting more complicated — men are getting desensitized because they watch a lot of porn. I know this is true because on the second date with a guy, he asked me if I squirt. I didn't even know what that was; I had to Google it and I was horrified. For all the POPSUGAR readers out there, I do not squirt. I don't know if I'm dehydrated but I'm not the squirting lady. I want to talk about it because I feel like there's all these women who are starting to feel inferior because they can't compete with porn stars. There's all this pressure to have huge boobs, to be super skinny, to be squirting like a Bellagio fountain, and I think someone needs to stand up and say hey, let's take it down a notch. These aren't healthy expectations and I think it's really messing with our relationships."

"I'm not on it anymore because I had a bad experience. I was super open to dating guys who weren't in the business, so I finally went on a date with a guy from Tinder. He showed up and he actually looked totally shocked. He said, 'Oh, I didn't realize it was actually you.' It was like he was disappointed when I showed up. I think he would have rather had the weirdo who was pretending to be me. So I said, 'OK, it really is me, so do you want to hang out?' He got really weird and then asked for a photo. It was so bizarre."

"My biggest pet peeve is when guys check their phones. Do you want to have sex with me or not? It's very simple, just get off your phone. Like what, are you on Tinder while we're at dinner? Who are you possibly texting? Jerry Seinfeld pointed out on Letterman, it's like the equivalent of talking to someone and pulling out a magazine. You knew we were going on this date, you scheduled it. Just stay off your phone, it's so rude. One time I went on a date with this guy and I waited to google him. After the date I went home and looked on his Twitter — he had tweeted four times while we were on the date. It must have been under the table or while I was in the bathroom; I had never saw him do it."

"The more passionate the initial connection is, the more of a red flag that is. I think a lot of us think that things should be passionate and electric, but usually that's a red flag. There's a great author named Harville Hendrix who talks about how we are attracted to people with a negative quality, so usually they are triggering some dark side of you. Those are usually the relationships that simmer out the fastest. If the guy is a little boring, that's OK. Just give it a chance; boring is good. If the relationship is too fiery, it's going to eventually blow up and explode."

"In the next couple weeks I'm shooting a special. I knew that this next special was going to be with HBO, which gave me a lot of permission to go further over the edge than I've ever been able to go before. I have had shows on NBC and CBS, I had my last two shows on Comedy Central and they still bleep a lot. I never wanted to make a show where I just kept getting bleeped because that's just not fun. I want to talk about all the things I go through; I want to take the stigma off things that have a lot of shame around them. A lot of things that are in this special are things I would only tell my close friends. It's very intimate."

If you want to see Whitney in person, make sure to check her out at the all-female stand-up series Lipshtick held at The Venetian in Las Vegas — tickets are available for September 19 online or by calling The Venetian's box office at 702-414-9000.