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How can i stop loving him?...

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 02:51:47 -0800

okay, i have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. everything had been perfect and i was sure that he was the one for me, and he always said i was the one for him we were very much in love (i still am!). he has a very large family that i have become a part of, as my family is very broken and dysfunctional, i feel like they are my family. i am especially close with his older sister, who he is very close to also. So 5 months of the year every year he goes to work abroad skiing, making our relationship part-time long distance. The first time he went away it was very hard, but we managed to make it work which made us very strong and made us realise we were meant to be together... we spent the summer together, then it came around that he had to go again. We talked a lot about how it was going to work and how we could improve from the year before. I went to spend this xmas and new years with him, and things have gone downhill.. we had an amazing reunion and first couple of days together, then he started to act very distant. i thought it was because he was very tired and busy from work. Then last night, new years, we went out...everything was fine we were having a great time until we had an argument, then out of the blue he tells me he doesnt want to be with me anymore!

we talked for hours, and he said he'd been having doubts in the back of his mind about our relationship and my coming out for xmas and new years was his way of deciding what to do... he NEVER told me about this before he left and we talked a lot about where our relationship was going and we both wanted the same thing. we had so many plans together starting as soon as he came back home.... i feel devestated as i am very much in love with him and he turned around and said that he is not in-love with me anymore, and doesnt even fancy me anymore. i feel devestated... and lost... i'm in a foreign country, i can't speak the language, i can't get an earlier flight home and i'm here with him for another 4 days! i dont no what to do... and also i know that when i leave him i will likely not see him again.....which i cant BEAR... as we were supposed to go travelling together in the summer and follow the snow until we found somewhere to start our life together. i feel like ive been left with nothing. our future together is gone. and ive also lost a family as i was part of his. i feel so empty and alone.... how can i ever get over him?... and how can i survive these next 4 days with him knowing that he doesnt love me?..... his family are here for the next couple of days and i can't bear them knowing just yet, i'm still trying to deal with it... i dont know how i'm going to face them...i kind of want to pretend everythings okay for the next 4 days then when i leave that will be the end... is this childish? i dont know what to do!!!?? please help

Help

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 03:25:01 -0800

I need a little bit of help.
I'm wavering a bit, and feel like I'm losing this battle. I know that as long as I keep God close to my side I cannot lose, but lately I fear that I've turned my back on him a bit. I know he's still here and will always be here for me, as I can sense in my spirit that He's working on me. I have changed tremendously in the past 3 months, into a better person. I am even more understanding, ever more wiser, more loving, and very much more forgiving. I feel as though I've tapped into something great. Despite this, I'm still going through a very difficult time, and there's so much more I must deal with in order to get through these battles, and the ones to come. I would much appreciate any support you can give, and ask that keep me in your prayers, that I realize the strength God has already given me from the beginning, to overcome all trials.

Group Therapy: I Have a Great Boyfriend With Ex Problem; Help!

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 04:00:00 -0800

My boyfriend is 31 and I'm 26. We have been together for a year now, and living together for six months. We've had our fair share of arguments and fights (even a couple of breakups) over the year, but overall we have been a very happy couple. Before me, he was married to a woman he had dated eight years prior. They got divorced about three years ago.

When I first moved in with him, he let me use his laptop one day. I casually looked at his computer history and I found that he had googled his ex, and searched various websites in order to find her. I was really hurt, but I didn't want him to think I was snooping so I casually asked if he was over her a few days later and he assured me that he was.

About a week ago, my laptop crashed so I used his, and again, through his computer history, I learned that he had been looking his ex up on Facebook. I feel like this is emotional cheating and I'm contemplating leaving him, but I'm torn because I love him; I just don't know if he loves me in the same way. Should I give him more time? Is there room for understanding his behavior?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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I Can't Get Over His Crazy Ex

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 20:41:47 -0800

This past summer I met a really great guy and we started dating. We clicked immediately and became instantly inseparable. Everything about him is great-- he's smart, funny, responsible, kind, and very affectionate. But (and there's always a but isn't there?) his ex-girlfriend is certifiably insane. They broke up about a month before we met after two months of crazy girl behavior on her part-- but that's another post.
Soon after he and I started dating, she announced that she was pregnant. Two weeks later she'd had an abortion. Two months (and many harassing emails and drunken phone calls and texts) after that she was still pregnant and needed money for an abortion. My BF had a check in the mail the next day but a month later she announced she was keeping the baby.
While claiming to be 3 months along she went boozing around town, doing shots with our mutual friends. She came to my work with a typed up note claiming that he had cheated on me with her. Not true. For months she sent emails, texts, messages to both my boyfriend and myself but no evidence of a pregnancy. She even went so far as to stuff her shirt and take photos of her 'bump' but would flip out if asked to produce a sonogram or medical record. It became obvious the child never existed. Pictures of her drinking and skinny at '6 months' solidified our hunches.
It took awhile but my boyfriend got a restraining order against her but it hasn't stopped. She still finds ways to send us messages online through made up accounts, and calls my boyfriend at 2am from friends phones and I just cant let it all roll off my back.
When we weren't sure if she was lying about the pregnancy I became obsessed with checking her facebook and myspace accounts for any pictures of her with a flat stomach or drink in her hand. Now, though I've found what I was looking for, I can't stop checking up. I look her up every day and find myself thinking about her throughout the day and it really needs to stop. I'm a very low-key girl and avoid drama at all costs, how did I find myself in this high school drama situation? What can I do to kick this crazy girl out of my mind for good?!

Relationship bumps and endings

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 13:42:47 -0800

I have been in my current relationship for 3 years. I love my boyfriend deeply and we have been living together the last 2 1/2 years.
However, over the last 4 months (well I noticed it before but its gotten more problematic the last 4) how immature my partner is. He is 25 and he refuses to in any way admit he is not entirely grown up.

He is extremely lovely but he is not responsible. I look after him, cook for him, wash his clothes... he calls his mother EVERY day 3x a day.. tells her ALL our small arguments and every detail of our lives. Yet when I call my mother he wont give me a moments privacy to speak. I cant make a phonecall or travel to see my parents without him coming too... i literally havent been alone for 1 night in 3 years. Now he is pressuring me to get married and start having children.

Because of this knocking of heads we have started arguing all the time. 'pick up your clothes' 'your not my mother' etcetc.. i cant see the fighting ending till he is alone for a while and grows up.

He cant do anything alone without seeking approval.. he is a little aggressive to everyone but me. I am the only person in his life he is polite of or scared of or who he respects. He makes a terrible first impression with people.. he is a professional sportsman and only gets on with his teammates and people in the industry. He is used to an easy life where people suck up to him. As a result he doesnt have any mutual firends with me as everyone is 'beneath' him.

I cant wait for him to grow up any longer. I once asked him for a break or a complete break up and I said 'maybe in the future we would be in a better place to progress in our relationship.'..... he went nuts. Screaming shouting... telling me he would never speak to me again if we ended it. Basically he told me if its over, its over.. he doesnt want friendship or to ever speak to me again so if its over its over. My best friend, my partner GONE. Just like that.

I feel emotionally blackmailed as I cant even have a break to clear my thoughts and at the same time I cant wait for him any more... i gave him 3 years of my life hoping love would conquer all and we'd grow up together and mature... and now im devestated. How can I end this?

Will any one ever love me again? I think of the small things.. like holding hands as we watch tv.. or how we have pet names. How he isnt ashamed of me.. Will I ever have that again??

I do love him.. but my mother once said that sometimes 'love isnt ENOUGH'. She believes he is all talk.. that if we break up... he would eventually in a year or two speak to me again. All i know is our fighting has to stop and that now.. at this age we cant go on.

Please dont tell me to seek therapy as personally I am not comfortable with it (or with my schedule have any free time!!) I just need someone who has been in love before to tell me their perspective.

Thank u!

He Constantly Tries to Make Me Jealous

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 14:17:58 -0800

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. There is one thing he does that really bothers me. Every time he starts to talk about a woman he knows, whether through work or school, he ends with "I think she has a crush on me." This has happened several times, and he says it EVERY time unless he is talking about a family member. I am not a very jealous person by nature, and I'm fine with him having female friends but he insists that every girl he meets, whether it's a professor, a woman at work, etc., has a crush on him. I'm starting to get really irritated by it. I usually laugh it off and change the subject. What is he getting at here? Am I dating a jerk or am I the one who is overreacting?

I love my boyfriend but...

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 17:07:11 -0800

What is your definition of love? I love my boyfriend but he does not trust me...should I trust him???

my boyfriend wants to spend the weekend with his female friend

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 17:38:28 -0800

My boyfriend and i have been on and off for about 3 years. The past year he moved to the west coast and i live east. We tried to make it work long distance and i was going to move out there to be with him, but i was so unhappy i ended it after about 6 months. By the time he had been gone a year we realized we still wanted to be together and he lost his job, so decided to come back east. However we still live in different cities until he can find a job in nyc. I went to visit him once since he's been back but i have a very limited schedule b/c i'm in grad school and work. He told me he would visit when he could, but now his best girl-friend he met out west is going to see her family for a weekend, and asked him to stay with her while she's home. So he wants to go see her even though he just moved back and has barely spent any time with me, hasn't even made the effort to visit me yet. I'm uncomfortable with the fact that he wants to spend the weekend with another girl, but mostly I'm hurt because i feel that he is putting her importance before me. I think he needs to prioritize now that he's in a relationship again, am i being unfair? He thinks i'm trying to keep him from a close friend.