13 Irrational Fears You Get After Watching Shark Week

Updated on 8/15/2014 at 7:25 PM

It's Shark Week, and if you're not inside watching all of Discovery Channel's fresh shark-related content, you should — at the very least — be far, far away from any large bodies of water. I've been an avid watcher of Shark Week for years. I love learning about sharks, watching crazy shark footage, and hearing insane shark stories, but I always walk away from the weeklong special absolutely petrified. If you're like me, you might relate to the following fears that always set in some time during Shark Week . . . and never go away. Source: The Discovery Channel

The ocean is a vast, terrifying place.

Oh you'll go to the beach, but you will not go near the water.

Water that you can't see the bottom of is infinitely more terrifying.

The idea of swimming in water that you can't touch the bottom of gives you hives.

Fishing just seems like asking to be eaten by a shark.

You know how you thought freshwater was safe? It's not, and you're never going in again.

Bull sharks can go in both, which makes them terrifying.

Shark-related movies suddenly seem so real.

You're never watching Jaws again.

When someone tells you to try snorkeling, you take it as an insult.

They clearly know you'll be eaten immediately, right?

Also don't ever eat shark. The rest will know, and they'll come after you.

THEY KNOW, THEY KNOW, THEY KNOW.

Surfing? That's the worst thing you could possibly do.

Everyone knows sharks think you're a seal when you're on a surfboard. That's just basic Shark Week knowledge.

Any boat short of a Navy battleship is too small.

A kayak? More like a water coffin.

You have nightmares that you'll somehow end up in a shark cage.

You know, the cages they let photographers get in? Horrifying.

You become convinced that aquarium glass could break with a slight toss of a pebble.

How thick is it, really?

You know what's really out forever? Underwater spelunking.

Underwater cave diving sounds like literally the worst thing ever.

Honestly? Just resign yourself to never leaving dry land.

It's safer this way.