This week's CW drama block may have its share of cool guest stars like N.E.R.D. and Samantha Ronson, but, on the whole, it's a total mess. On the one hand, you've got the unstable girls of 90210 having emotional breakdowns at the drop of a hat; on the other, the Melrose Place residents are busy sneaking around to cover up their crimes. Personally, I was a bit annoyed by all the over-the-topness — especially you, Annie. Oh, and you, Ivy. But hey, at least it gives us a few surprising moments.
Ready to dissect each show and decide which packed more punch? (Warning: major spoilers!) Take a peek at my arguments and then weigh in with your own when you read more.
- 90210 point: Sasha is officially a nut job. First she tells Dixon that she's pregnant, but when Debbie gets wind of it, she questions Sasha even further to catch her in her baby lies. But the best part? When Debbie says the line, "It starts with you're not pregnant, and it ends with stay away from my son." Oh, snap! Congrats Debbie, you just went up a notch on the list of cool TV moms. Sasha backs off, telling Dixon she had a "miscarriage."
Melrose Place counterpoint: Did David kill Sydney? They sure try to make it seem that way. David tells Ella that he was blackout drunk that night after finding out that Syd was sleeping with his father — and then he has a flashback where he wakes up with blood all over himself and a knife in his hand. I gasped a little over the big reveal, but I'm not entirely convinced that David wasn't set up by someone else.
- 90210 point: Annie is getting in way over her head with Jasper, and unfortunately, she seems much too insecure to dig herself out. When Navid hears that Jasper is a dealer, he tells Annie and she confronts Jasper about it. Jasper wigs out, making Annie cry and beg forgiveness. Later, we see Jasper selling drugs to someone, so we know the rumors are true. For more on his buyer, keep reading.
Melrose Place counterpoint: Jonah makes out with Kendra, the hot movie producer, literally within the first five minutes of the episode. (That didn't take long.) He stops things from going further, but when he comes clean to Riley, he gets on her case again for her kiss with Auggie. She apologizes profusely, but the damage has already been done. By the end of the episode, I was thinking, Wait, did they actually just break up?! I don't think so, but if you stuck around for next week's promo, things do not look good for the engaged couple.
- 90210 point: Jen is back, throwing around her prima donna wicked attitude. She walks in on Ryan during his date with the bartender from the previous episode and goes into attack mode with the verbal jabs. ("You look older closer up.") Ryan is actually turned on by her jealousy, and the two become exclusive. But what I can't understand is why, after he knows that she lies, does he actually trust her story about Liam coming on to her? He totally buys it!
Melrose Place counterpoint: Auggie finally gives his a-hole boss Marcello a piece of his mind, er, fists. Marcello passes off one of Auggie's recipes as his own, and then he makes a few lewd comments about Riley — and you know how Auggie feels about Riley. He starts swinging, knocking Marcello out. Back at the apartment later, Violet shows up, and in a moment of what I can only blame on Auggie's emotional distress, the two finally knock boots. I'm guessing this means we'll be seeing Violet's worst kind of crazy very soon (right before she and Auggie say sayonara).
- 90210 point: Adrianna is inching closer to her previous life of drug use. It starts when she plays a song asking for Navid's forgiveness. (So cheesy!) He turns her down, so she continues sulking in bed, sobbing. Silver and Naomi want her to go to a meeting so she can stay clean, and with due concern — at the end of the episode, we see her buying from none other than Jasper.
Melrose Place counterpoint: Ella's squeaky-clean client, Jessie, is hospitalized with major cocaine in his system, so she begs Lauren to write a fake report citing an allergy as the cause of his stay. Lauren refuses. (Anyone else confused about why Lauren continues to take the high road, despite her side prostitution gig?) Ella then discovers a wad of cash in Lauren's room and realizes her Pretty Woman secret. Of course Lauren denies the accusations, but no matter — Ella decides to let her star take the fall anyway and promises to never question Lauren again.
90210 had way more melodramatic outbursts, but those ladies were so crazy that it kind of turned me off. (You girls give women a bad name. Even Violet seemed normal this week compared to you.) So I'm giving this week to Melrose by default: I was genuinely shocked at David's bloody flashback and the fact that Jonah has suddenly broken out of his perfect-fiance persona. I expect scandal from someone like Auggie or Ella, but from Jonah? Come on!
Do you disagree? Were you actually loving all of the melodrama on 90210?
Don't forget that you can also keep the conversation going over in the 90210 Superfans group in the Buzz Community. Check it out!
Photos courtesy of The CW