What It's Like to Watch American Horror Story When You Hate Horror

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love scary movies and TV shows, and the rest of us, who'd prefer to change the channel when the promos for said scary stuff comes on. I am from the latter group, a scaredy-cat who dreaded sleepovers because other people liked to watch horror movies, and as an adult, someone who took a few seasons to watch True Blood. That's why it might surprise you to find out that I watched American Horror Story last season — though it was a trying experience, to say the least. But I made it through, and now I live to tell the tale — in GIFs! Come with me on my journey of bravely watching one of the scariest shows on TV. Source: FX

I remember when I first heard American Horror Story was coming.
20th Century Studios

I remember when I first heard American Horror Story was coming.

Way back in 2011.

A show about a haunted house? Interesting.
The CW

A show about a haunted house? Interesting.

And Dylan McDermott and Connie Britton! They're such nice-looking people.

I could handle it, I thought.
Fox

I could handle it, I thought.

I love twisted TV like Twin Peaks and True Blood.

But then I remembered it was Ryan Murphy. And Ryan/Murphy also made Nip/Tuck.
HBO

But then I remembered it was Ryan Murphy. And Ryan/Murphy also made Nip/Tuck.

The Carver, anyone?

I thought about watching.
ABC

I thought about watching.

I really thought hard.

So I decided to pass.
NBC

So I decided to pass.

Like Piggy Man, and the mutant baby in the basement.

Like Piggy Man, and the mutant baby in the basement.

And a "rubber man" who rapes people?!
Universal Pictures

And a "rubber man" who rapes people?!

Unsubscribe.

But I also got curious about what was going on.
The Weinstein Company

But I also got curious about what was going on.

Call it TV FOMO.

I started asking people who watched what was happening.
Disney

I started asking people who watched what was happening.

So I decided to start reading recaps.
ABC

So I decided to start reading recaps.

That doesn't mean I wasn't grossed out.

That doesn't mean I wasn't grossed out.

I just couldn't deal with the visuals. Source: MTV

And then Asylum came on, with its mutilated inhabitants and even more twisted stories.
Fox

And then Asylum came on, with its mutilated inhabitants and even more twisted stories.

And I knew I couldn't start watching then.
HBO

And I knew I couldn't start watching then.

People were getting sliced and diced.

People were getting sliced and diced.

Source: Nickelodeon

Anne Frank showed up, Dylan McDermott resurfaced to breastfeed as an adult . . .
NBC

Anne Frank showed up, Dylan McDermott resurfaced to breastfeed as an adult . . .

WTF.

And Bloody Face! Bloody Face is THE WORST.
NBC

And Bloody Face! Bloody Face is THE WORST.

I had my mind made up about this show.
FX

I had my mind made up about this show.

I thought, maybe this is the season I'll watch. I love witches!
Disney

I thought, maybe this is the season I'll watch. I love witches!

They're fierce! Fabled! Let's get down with some feminist iconography!

So I decided to watch.
HBO

So I decided to watch.

Then I started watching Coven.
FX

Then I started watching Coven.

The first episode features Madame LaLaurie torturing a man by stuffing poop in his mouth.

The first episode features Madame LaLaurie torturing a man by stuffing poop in his mouth.

And then she sews it shut. Source: TLC

Then she cuts off his head and makes him a real minotaur.
NBC

Then she cuts off his head and makes him a real minotaur.

The voodoo sex wasn't that hard to sit through.
Warner Bros.

The voodoo sex wasn't that hard to sit through.

But still, what?

At least Murphy got creative, with Clorox enemas and the like.
Universal Pictures

At least Murphy got creative, with Clorox enemas and the like.

Who even thinks of stuff like this?

But it just got worse, with eyes being gouged out!
Fox

But it just got worse, with eyes being gouged out!

A Frankenstein getting put together.

A Frankenstein getting put together.

Source: Lifetime

And then a mom has sex with her son, who is now a Frankenstein.
NBC

And then a mom has sex with her son, who is now a Frankenstein.

Someone stabbing her own eyes out.
Fox

Someone stabbing her own eyes out.

"This season is actually less gory," other people told me.
FX

"This season is actually less gory," other people told me.

THEN WHAT WENT ON IN THE OTHER SEASONS?!

But I couldn't look away.
ABC

But I couldn't look away.

I also just wanted to know who The Supreme was.

I made it to the end of the season.
NBC

I made it to the end of the season.

I felt like I needed a shower.

I felt proud for making it through, though. Maybe I would watch the next season!
The CW

I felt proud for making it through, though. Maybe I would watch the next season!

And then I heard season four would be called Freak Show, about a circus.

And then I heard season four would be called Freak Show, about a circus.

I was still on the fence about watching again. Source: ABC Family

With a scary clown.
Lionsgate

With a scary clown.

Decision made!
NBC

Decision made!