Every Friday, I round up the week's best, funniest, strangest, and most embarrassing moments in television for your amusement.
- Did you miss David Bowie on "Extras"? Fear not! Here are all his clips from the episode — including the "chubby little loser" song, of course.
- On this week's episode of "Armed and Famous," La Toya Jackson went undercover as a prostitute. That pretty much makes fun of itself, doesn't it?
- "This is not grieving. This is my legs being bent in ways my legs do not go." — Callie on "Grey's Anatomy"
- On Desperate Housewives, Gaby learns that Zach has read up on her likes and dislikes and replies, "Aww... you did research on me? That's so sweet! In a ... stalker-y kind of way."
For more of the week's highlights and lowlights, read more
- David from the premiere of "Engaged and Underage" is a virgin with a surplus of mommy issues (i.e., he tells his mom the details of the bed where he and wife-to-be Lauren will be spending their wedding night). On the night before the wedding, his mom warns Lauren: "I just want to let you know I'm going to be climbing into bed with him tonight." She then defends herself to the cameras by saying, "We're a close family. This is not weird." Um, yes. Yes it is.
- On "The Knights of Prosperity," Rockefeller can get a job with the security agency that protects Mick Jagger's building if he can deliver a case with $150,000 to Atlantic City. Squatch, though, would rather just take the money and be done with it: "Twenty-five large in the hand is worth all the stuff in Mick Jagger's apartment in the bush."
- "We're a little nervous that we get back and everything's dead. Well, not people or kids or animals. I'm thinking plants." — Lauri on "The Real Housewives of Orange County," on leaving her children in charge of the house.
- "So I need a favor. And just for the record, it's not going to involve any kind of thank-you sex or make-up sex. In fact it's going to involve absolutely no sex whatsoever." — Tyra to Riggins on "Friday Night Lights"
- "White Rapper Show" Lesson No. 204: If you've never done your own laundry, you are not ghetto. "If it wasn't for Shamrock," G-Child says, "I'd be turning everybody's whites pink."
- OK, so this week's episode of "30 Rock" was a repeat, but indulge me with just one quote, would you? Jack Donaghy, on accepting a challenge:
"I have summited Kilimanjaro. I have showered with Greta Van Susteren. I'm doing this."
- "I'm living in the present, and I'm not going to stop myself from doing anything that my heart feels like doing. Or my vagina feels like doing." — Colie from "The Real World: Denver," telling it like it is.