The Highlight Reel, 1/19: The Week's Best and Worst TV

Every Friday, I round up the week's best, funniest, strangest, and most embarrassing moments in television for your amusement.

• Stephen Colbert visited "The O'Reilly Factor" and all he got was this lousy ... microwave?

• "There just seems to be a gap in the market. I would love to be able to pull out a speech by Dolce & Gabbana." — Hugh Laurie, advocating adding speeches to the swag baskets at the Golden Globes
• On the season premiere of "The Hills," Lauren and her friend Jen are in a club. Jen spots a hot guy and tries to get Lauren to sneak a peek:
  

  Jen: "He's cute."
  Lauren: "Who?"
  Jen: "Six o'clock."
  Lauren: "I don't know where six o'clock is. Where's six o'clock?"
  Jen: "Well, that's ..." [fumbling and clock-like hand motions] "Eleven o'clock."

For more snappy quotes and embarrassing moments, read more

• What's better than "Guy Love"? "Guy Love" live, performed by Zach Braff and Donald Faison on "Jimmy Kimmel Live." The singing starts around the 7-minute mark of the interview:
  
• Speaking of "Scrubs," in this week's musical episode, Carla accuses Turk of always forgetting that she's Dominican, not Mexican. She sings, "Why'd you tell JD our baby was Blaxican?"
• On "30 Rock," Kenneth explains to Jack why he's willing to fetch lunch for television stars with a speech that would make Aaron Sorkin proud:
  

  "More than jazz or musical theater or morbid obesity, television is the true American art form. Think of all the shared experiences television has provided for us, from the moon landing to the 'Golden Girls' finale, from Walter Cronkite denouncing Vietnam to Oprah pulling that trash bag of fat out in the wagon, from the glory and the pageantry of the Summer Olympics to the less-fun Winter Olympics. So please, don't tell me I don't have a dream, sir. I am living my dream."

  
  

• When Izzie and Cristina give Meredith a hard time on "Grey's Anatomy," Meredith offers a lesson in the put-down: "You're in a relationship with no words, and you're a millionaire in $20 shoes."
• On "The Knights of Prosperity," the Knights manage to get the thumb print of someone with security clearance for Mick Jagger's building, and they send Gary to the dentist so he can steal some wax to make an impression of the print.
  

  Dentist: "You grind your teeth at night. That means you're under stress."
  Gary: "Roy Orbison died."
  Dentist: "He died years ago."
  Gary: "Yes, but it's just now sinking in."

• On "Degrassi: The Next Generation," Jimmy tells Danny that starting a rumble with a rival school just perpetuates the cycle of violence. Danny replies: "Whatever, buddha-licious. Go pick a flower. We're gonna kick some ass."




• Colin from "I'm From Rolling Stone" is concerned that he's a bad interviewer. I don't know why, with questions like this one to We Are Scientists:
  

  "In case you guys didn't know, you guys have a show tonight. I want to take this as serious as possible. I think I have that shirt, actually, which is a
  weird thing to say, but, basically. I don't know. I just wanted you to know, I like you guys as musicians. So. How's life on the road?"

• "We should hit it with a bat, see if candy comes out." — Marc, upon Betty's return to Mode on "Ugly Betty"




• "We don't go looking for stuff; we just buy whatever finds us." — Allison, on shopping, "My Super Sweet 16"