So, yippee! Gossip Girl is back! But, um, I think almost every single main character must have taken stupid pills together in some scene that got edited out at the last minute. It's the only way to explain the complete and utter lack of brain power among our Upper East Side crew these days.
Take Serena: The more she reveals about her "marriage," the more it becomes clear that in Serena's head, church + "Si" + guy + drunk in Spain = legally wed. Which isn't totally the way it works. Sigh. But this episode has a lot of funny/cute moments, and all in all I'd say it's pretty entertaining, albeit nutty. Let's chat about it — just read more.
- That opening My Fair Lady dream sequence with Blair is funny. Leighton does a pretty good Cockney accent.
- Blair's new plan post-Yale rejection is to be a socialite ("Being a socialite was good enough for Jackie O"), and it looks like Nate Archibald is her ticket.
- Cyrus offers to get her into NYU with a phone call (these kids getting into schools with phone calls is so obnoxious!) but she turns down his offer and makes some snide comment about experimenting with lesbianism at schools like that. I believe she made the same joke about Brown, as if every school that isn't Yale is like Girls Gone Wild meets Woodstock.
- Serena's back from Spain, and she and Chuck catch up (". . . and then I realized I'm a 17 year old billionaire with tremendous stamina"). Chuck tells Serena he saw Poppy in town while she was still in Spain, which is our first clue something's up.
- Blair's big socialite plan is to be on the junior committee for the Whitney and a bridesmaid in Nate's cousin's wedding. She gets denied for both because she's too "new" (pssst — that's blue blood talk for new money).
- It's hilarious when Nate's all, "I have a surprise for you!" and Blair gets excited, and then the big surprise is that Nate got into Columbia all by himself. If I were Blair, I would have said something like, "For the record, that's not a surprise for me. That is simply news about you."
- Of course this makes Grandpa Vanderbilt unhappy, and he asks Blair to help convince Nate that Yale is better.
- OK, question: Nate tells Blair it only took one phone call from grandpa to get him into Yale. So why, when striking a deal with grandpa, didn't Blair go for the gold? Admission to Yale? Hello? Blair is so much smarter than this! She only bargained for her little Whitney thing and to be in the bridal party. But those things were only important to her because they were her back-up plan to Yale.
- Speaking of dummies: Really, Rufus? You didn't pick up that your son was working the Seder?
- And also: Really, Dan? You think a catering job here and there will pay for Yale?
- I know Jenny is a lot tamer now, but her infatuation with board games is bizarre. It's such a far cry from taking pictures of yourself in your bra.
- Serena thinks she's married Gabriel (who is really creepy and stalks her) and is all stressed out because of this. I love how sleeping with her good friend's man never comes up ever as an issue for her.
- Hang on a minute: Weren't Vanessa and Chuck into each other last we saw? Where is Vanessa?
In conclusion: Nate forgives Blair for scheming with his grandpa, and she decides to try to go to NYU; Serena's apparently really into creepy stalker Gabriel; Chuck and Jenny finally make up after that thing that happened in the first season that I had to work really hard to remember; and Rufus is going to sell the art gallery so Dan doesn't have to waste his talents "working." Yay, happy endings! And, you know, kind of nuts. Did you think so, too? Sound off!
Photos courtesy of The CW