You know how this season of American Horror Story started out a bit scattered, but then reigned it in a little in the past few weeks? Well, it's back to being kind of a hot mess. The aliens and Dr. Arden's Nazi story line get put on the back burner for "Dark Cousin" as Sister Jude and Sister Mary Eunice take center stage. Alien-probe victim Grace is cracking up, burning up, and bleeding out all in the first five minutes, and Lana escapes the clutches of Bloody Face, only to find herself in some familiar surroundings.
Frances Conroy (who played Moira last season) also shows up this week as the angel of death. While she's a welcome face, the characters are getting so skewed and the stories so muddled, it's hard to imagine they'll all be resolved. Let's go through the most insane moments after the jump.
- Miles uses the meat slicer to slit his wrists. What's that you say, you don't know who Miles is? Neither did I until this week, but apparently he's been at Briarcliff this whole time. Regardless of his arbitrary placement, the scene in which he slowly walks up to the slicer is intense, and downright disgusting as blood splatters on his face and clothes. Remind me how one survives an accident like that?
- Lana escapes Bloody Face . . . only to end up back at Briarcliff. This chick cannot catch a break. She finally escapes Bloody Face (after a particularly hard-to-watch rape scene) by bashing his head in with a picture frame, then nearly choking him to death with her chains (why not just hold on for an extra few seconds?), and runs into the woods. Of course, the random driver passing by happens to be a suicidal woman-hater who has recently been left by his cheating wife. And back to the asylum we go!
- Sister Mary Eunice outs herself. The evil force inside Sister Mary Eunice must be getting cabin fever, because it is clawing to get out. First, she shoves Dr. Arden across the room (Carrie-style), then she calls up Sister Jude and all but admits she's a demon and that she stabbed the Nazi-hunter in the neck. I predict a Sister vs. Sister showdown soon.
- Sister Jude commits suicide in a diner bathroom. Psych! Turns out that doesn't happen for real.
- The little girl Sister Jude hit is alive. Something is really messing with Sister Jude. After refusing death, she goes to visit the family of the little girl she killed in the road all those years ago. She comes to find that the girl didn't die, and is in fact healthy and all grown-up. What the what? I'm really starting to get confused about what's real and what's false here.
- Grace takes a bullet for Kit. My jaw was on the floor for this whole scene. First, Kit finds his way to Grace (sixth sense?), then some crazed experiment-gone-wrong sewer dweller comes tearing in after him, then when the guard comes in to shoot Kit, Grace jumps in front of the bullet in slow motion to save him. What is this, The Matrix? After cheating death once, Grace finally accepts her fate. I wonder if she would have done that had she known Kit bashed his public defender's head in with a three-hole-punch not 24 hours earlier.
What did you think of "Dark Cousin"? Are you having as much trouble keeping up as I am?