9 Song Lyrics From the '90s That Made Absolutely ZERO Sense

Oh, the '90s. Not only did you give us the beloved Tamagotchis and Clarissa Explains It All, but you graced us with life-changing music. Even though you blessed us with the original boy bands, some of the lyrics that came with them were a little questionable. Honestly, it pains my heart to say anything negative about the musical geniuses that filled my portable CD player back in the day. After all, I couldn't imagine making it through my middle school graduation if I didn't belt out "Graduation (Friends Forever)" by Vitamin C with my best friend beforehand. But sometimes it's better to acknowledge the bad so that we can move on — with these '90s stars in that special place in our hearts forever, of course.

01
"Just a Girl," No Doubt — 1995
Interscope Records

"Just a Girl," No Doubt — 1995

Lyric: "I'm just a girl, guess I'm some kind of freak, 'cause they all sit and stare with their eyes"

No, Gwen — they stare with their ears. I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes trying to figure out the thought process behind why there was a need to state the obvious, but I've got nothing. There's no doubt that this song has an awkward lyric (see what I did there?), so let's try to remember them for the musical masterpiece that was "Hey Baby" — because all of the girls really do want to get with the boys, and the boys, in fact, really like it.

02
"Mmmbop," Hanson — 1996
Mercury Records

"Mmmbop," Hanson — 1996

Lyric: "You have so many relationships in this life, only one or two will last"

Not only is there a weird line in this notorious '90s jam, but it's the first lyric in the entire song. What do you mean that only one or two relationships will last? Unless you're planning on living the polygamist lifestyle — à la Sister Wives — only one will last. But then again, dating is hard, so we're lucky if we even get that!

*Side note: Why did we let Hanson continue with the long grunge hair for so long? Too. Many. Questions.

03
"As Long As You Love Me," Backstreet Boys — 1997
Jive Records

"As Long As You Love Me," Backstreet Boys — 1997

Lyric: "I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me"

I’ll take "An ax murderer from the slums who robbed an old lady" for $500, Alex! As long as they love you, right? I'll admit that I still jam out to this song when it comes on Pandora, but if you really look at the words, it's definitely SMH-worthy. Say it with me everyone . . . "standards!"

04
"Barbie Girl," Aqua — 1997
MCA Records

"Barbie Girl," Aqua — 1997

Lyric: "You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere, imagination, life is your creation"

More than anything, this line is just straight-up confusing. Does it mean that you can undress Barbie in any location? On any part of her body? Whenever you want? ALL OF THE ABOVE? Let's be honest, us as kids were not expecting Mozart, and over 15 years later our standards are still probably right at the average mark. But just a drop of clarification would be nice.

05
"Stop," Spice Girls — 1997
Virgin Records

"Stop," Spice Girls — 1997

Lyric: "Stop right now, thank you very much, I need somebody with the human touch"

A human touch — as if there were so many other plausible types of touches she could get from the "somebody." Seriously, what were the other options here? A robot touch? A reptile touch? An alien touch? WHAT KIND OF TOUCH WERE YOU SO CONCERNED ABOUT, BABY SPICE?!

06
"Livin' La Vida Loca," Ricky Martin — 1999
Columbia Records

"Livin' La Vida Loca," Ricky Martin — 1999

Lyric: "She'll make you live her crazy life, but she'll take away your pain, like a bullet to your brain"

Writing a song inspired by a special girl can be incredibly sweet. But saying that she can take away the pain like getting shot in the head, aka death, is not exactly the epitome of romance. I'm not going to pretend that on the rare occasion that this throwback comes on the radio I don't dance around like I just won the lottery, but this lyric isn't going to make any top 10 lists. On behalf of women everywhere, don't worry, Ricky — we'll forgive you . . . in time.

07
"What a Girl Wants," Christina Aguilera — 1999
RCA Records

"What a Girl Wants," Christina Aguilera — 1999

Lyric: "Like a rock, you waited so patiently"

There are many types of people that I would consider patient. Waiters? They must be at their wits' end on a busy Saturday night. Teachers? They probably have to work to keep their lips zipped on the daily. Rocks? Well, let's just say that if emoji existed when this song hit the radio over 15 years ago, this lyric would have earned it the unamused-looking one.

08
"Summer Girls," LFO — 1999
Arista Records

"Summer Girls," LFO — 1999

Lyric: "There was a good man named Paul Revere, I feel much better baby when you're near"

There are a lot of gems to choose from in this song, but this one is really the Holy Grail. I'm not trying to knock American history here, but I would love to know what a man who died in the 1800s has to do with picking up girls. Even though it's a totally catchy song, this line seems like it was thrown in there for the sake of rhyming. But if you happen to have four minutes and 19 seconds of your life to spare, I suggest checking out the official music video because it is PURE GOLD.

09
"Bye Bye Bye," *NSYNC — 2000
Jive Records

"Bye Bye Bye," *NSYNC — 2000

Lyric: "You may hate me but it ain't no lie, baby, bye, bye, bye"

Everyone knows that you fell into one of two groups during the '90s — Team *NSYNC or Team Backstreet Boys. As someone who can't deny kissing a Lance Bass poster or two back in the day, saying anything even remotely critical about this group is heart-wrenching. But the double-negative "ain’t no" cannot be ignored, and it doesn’t make sense. HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN, JT?!

*Disclaimer: Technically this song was released in early 2000, but come on, we couldn't possibly talk about '90s music without mentioning all that is *NSYNC.