I completely agree with this. I don't think it's something we do consciously, but I think they set up an ideal. Good movies/tv shows have a certain degree of realism in them that's just enough to make us think what happens in them could really happen. It's the same reason millions of kids wanted letters from Hogwarts & little girls love to dress up as Cinderella & feel like a princess. These movies are a pleasant escape from real life and it's only natural to want to maintain the feeling we get from watching them. They're not as fun if they're completely implausible. We're hopeful people and I think sometimes we're a little too hopeful that everything's just going to work out, like it does in the movies.

i have no love life to speak of...so, personally, my answer is no. hope this helped,

Absolutely. Oddly enough, not for me though. My ex-bf however was convinced that a relationship should be effortless or else it's not meant to be. PUH-LEEZE. I learned a very long time ago that nothing is like you see in the movies.

my exhusband actually accused me of thinking marital life should be like it is in the movies...um no, i just wanted him to stop being a jerk. no i don't think these movies are a letdown and they definitely don't cause problems in my communicative abilities!

This reminds me of the postal service song (Clark Gable) about, the writer of the song having a revaluation that he wanted his love life to be just like the movies.

I don't agree the movies are wonderful fantisies, but I think the real thing is a lot better.

"Marriage counselors often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it." Really, people think that? I've watched a lot of rom-coms in my day, but that's kind of ridiculous. Obviously sex won't always be perfect, and obviously people aren't mind readers. The whole thing seems a little ridiculous to me.

I had a boyfriend unexpectedly fly across the country to be with me on V-day, without telling me. He planned the whole thing in romantic-movie style.

I dumped him a month later.

Yes, this films perpetuate a myth which rarely coincides with reality. And I wouldn't want my life to be life most of these movies, I think most rom-coms are also too sappy and formulaic.

Ditto Sugarbox ditto... I don't think that romantic comedies completely ruin relationships though. Common sense and the knowledge that nothing in life comes easy; including good relationships.

They definitely normalize unrealistic ideals. Even the most logical person would still by influenced, if just by a little, by romantic comedy's fantasy storylines if they're exposed to the same themes over and over again.

Well put Firey. Better than i would say, "normalize unrealistic ideals." I also think think that some people live for drama think that you can be over dramatic and not communicate about problems (similar to how some rom coms can be).

I also think that teenagers are more prone to believing the Rom Com hype too.
At least, I always wanted my HS boyfriend to magically appear at my bedroom window (and got peeved when he didn't)

well i think that there are instances where we have these skewed visions of what romance should be like but if you don't allow yourself to escape reality and understand that what you see on TV isn't always going to be how it is -then you have more problems than that. granted, when i was younger,i would watch these movies all the time and then i would read romance novels, and i really had a messed up sense of what romance is, but you get over that pretty quickly and learn to appreciate the small things that you do get in life and they do some how make a comparison to the movies.

I agree with this as well. It's kind of like fairy-tales & how they give us a misconstrued outlook on our Prince Charming coming to save us from the evilness of life &/or the world. I've always thought that it's misleading for us to think that life is like a fairy-tale, or a Rom-Com movie. Yeah, they're great to watch & pretend like this could happen to you, but in reality, life is nothing like the movies. Nevertheless, I still enjoy a good Rom-Com

The #1 reason I don't like Romantic Comedies is the fact that they are soooo unrealistic and extremely predictable. I also feel insulted that the people writing/making these movies seem to sum women up as clumsy, brain dead morons who are on a constant quest for love... and that's it... as if that's all that matters in life. Very one dimensional characters.... it's ridiculous and sad.

I wish love was like in the movies but I know it never will be... But it does make you dream. Nothing wrong with that unless you are letting it ruin your relationship.

Guys don't do "romantic" stuff any more to win a girl's heart, there are too many negative connotations in the real world.
An ex shows up outside his ex-girl's home with a boom box means he's a stalker.
A guy gets his buddies to help serenade some girl he met in a bar, and he's a player that is only tryin' to get in her pants.
A Chick falls in love with a guy she heard on the radio, she's an insane, desperate woman who has no respect for herself, and the guy should avoid her like she's a terrorist.
Romantic gestures (in already existing relationships)often come from compensating for weak points in the bond. Instead of talking about the problem, you do something "sweet" or "thoughtful", but the real problem persists, temporarily ignored.
However focusing on the problem and even discussing it isn't necessarily effective as doing so--especially without third party assistance--may either reveal a partner that wasn't that committed to you in the first place/isn't willing to change (something people avoid just for the sake of staying in a relationship, any relationship for the social-aspect), or make the problem worse through losing sight of the "good stuff" and seeing only the difficulties.
Romance is for real, mature people with real expectations, who are actually genuinely in it for the love of the coolness of this other person, and NOT because they're filling a void in themselves with this other human being, who probably has his/her own unmanaged baggage.

I completely agree. I have to admit, growing up I always thought real relationships were supposed to be like the movies. I was a naive kid. I'm much more realistic now and completely satisfied in my marriage.

Every once in a while I do see a romantic comedy though and think, "gee, wouldn't that be nice?" but my hubby is awesome and I'm really grateful for all the love and affection he gives me, even if it doesn't come with a grand gesture and a soundtrack.

i agree. they are realistic. but they are movies and i think movies should be fantasies and entertainment. that said people should know the difference. but that's the hard part. i think we subconsciously believe that things will work like in the movies and we have to learn the hard way before we know how real life works (ps love the while you were sleeping pic - awesome movie!)

Yes. John Cusack has ruined everything for me

I recently wrote an article about Hollywood and how it is poisoning marriages ... (Has Hollwood Poisoned Your Marriage?)

http://www.thefastlanetomillions.com/articles/2008/11/has-hollywood-pois...

I see that notion is picking up steam.

I agree with posters 17 and 15. I also hate comedy romance movies because they are super cheesy and they arent funny in the least.

The funny thing is, it does actually have an impact on me and my relationship which I need to stop. I watch romantic movies, love them and then I'm in a particular situation where I kind of in a way expect my husband to do the action that happens in the movie. For instance...eating dinner, I sit there hoping he'll reach over and hold my hand and when he doesn't I get bummed out but it's not his fault. He just my expectation because they did that in a romantic movie. So there it is!

I used to think that being in a relationship guaranteed sex. But I now I realize that my woman is not interested in sex anymore. These damn movies give the idea that marriage is perfect, that these women want to give it up with the guy of their dreams and have crazy sex every day, all day long! Nothing could be further from the truth, and now I see reality for what it is. No wonder most guys including myself hate going to these sappy movies, we just do it to satisfy our partners, hoping to get laid.

“Romantic comedies” is an interesting name for this genre. Could also be called romantic fantasy comedy, because the romantic component always has that “ahhh, I wish my partner would do that for me” or “what a sacrifice he/she made” or whatever. It’s that emotional fantasy part that we internalize and wish we could experience in real life; hence, it is a fantasy. Not necessarily a bad thing, just recognize it for what it is and stuff it in its right compartment. IMESHO

I do believe there are people out there that get wrapped up in the movies and think real life should be that way. I'm certain this was part of the reason why my sister and brother in law had problems in their marriage.

I remember reading an article a few months back (it was old though) that many women said that Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles made them dream of the rich, handsome guy pulling up in his porsche to wisk them away. Some of the quotes said it really ruined their love life because they had higher expectations from the movie.

I'm a bit more of a realist and know that what happens in the movies is not what most relationships are like. But, there are always people out there that think movies are just like real life.

if you cant tell the differance between real life and fantasies,you dont deserve love !!

Truth is both men and women need to find that common balance between reality and fiction. Romantic movies should be seen as nice thought provoking ideas of how to add a little more romance into your relationship but not consume the relationship because when all reality is removed then you will drift apart because everything will appear fake or grow old. i personally love to send my lady flowers just because it is Monday, love candle light dinners, romantic walks at night, picnics, trips to lakes, trips to random places like driving up to chicago or taking a flight out to new york for the weekend, and cuddling up to a movie, and anything else that shows her that spending time with her is special to me. I also do fun dates like going to the clubs, dancing, billiards, concerts, comedy shows, sporting events, and other things like that or whatever she would like to do. I don't do these things so often that they hold no meaning but not do them too far apart that they mean nothing as well. I just try and find a nice mid-point where everything i do is special and meaningful. With that balance shows genuine interest and feelings in every action.

I met a woman the day before she moved to Africa and totally fell for her. We wrote letters for over a year before I saved up enough money to fly to Africa and be with her.

First off, BeataB74 if you need someone else to dump let me know! Just kidding! This article is totally true. Maybe not for people over 35, but definately for the younger generations. The idea that guys don't do romantic things anymore is ligitimate also. The problem is everything has been played out already. I dated a girl for a while, and used to bring her flowers when we went on dates. She dumped me because I was "too nice". Girls now-a-days want the challenge of romance, but not the reality of a relationship. The courtship process is the worst. There is so much pressure to have money, nice clothes, be sexually skilled, and get married, that maybe we have forgotten the whole reason for dating. Which is to meet new people, and experience new things. Why challenge the depth of someone's feelings because they didn't have a limo take you to a hot air baloon, so you could watch fireworks spell out your name.

Remember back in the 70's or was it 80's where during commercials for horror movies they would tell you to keep repeating "it's only a movie, it's only a movie." Well, this is EXACTLY how I feel about romantic movies. I love them, don't get me wrong, but I repeat this mantra in my head before, during and especially after I see one of these movies.

I can see where a movie can make you think the fairy tale romantic movie is true. As a matter of fact, my best friend divorced her husband about four years ago and she seems to be chasing the fairy tail. The thing is, she is still single, four years later. Although it would be completely AWESOME if these stories were true, who wouldn't want the fair tale? There are many romantic movies I have seen and found myself thinking of it for a couple of days after, wishing that it could be true.

First off, if you don't have a love life or have never been in love, then you have no business answering questions for which you have no experience.

And yes, I do believe they do create unrealistic expectations. EVERYTHING that is worth ANYTHING requires work. That's part of the growth and learning process that we all go through in life. And today's generation is looking for that INSTANT gratification that they think they can find in NEW things, which seems to encompass EVERYTHING.

Look, life is hard and if you don't toughen up, then it will chew you up and spit you out. I do believe that people are always looking for the easy way out no matter what the situation or subject matter is. And another thing, if you are affected "subconsciously", then you wouldn't even know that you are being affected by these beliefs. So, I think there are more people out there affected by these constant barrages of messages (of rom-coms) than we think.

I own my own business and I see situations everyday where people don't know how to communicate other situations in life. Communication is key to being able to get what you want in life. So, it seems to me that if you go around thinking that "if it was meant to be, then it will just happen", then you are in for a rude awakening. Sleep tight!

Romance movies and books encourage romantic play in couples. Mainly I would think they show a husband/guy that it is ok to be romantic. My husband shows little if any romance in our 18 year marriage, but I know he loves me deeply. I have to find romance elsewhere, primarily books. I find reading romance books keeps my needs at bay.

I firmly agree with this topic, especially the part about expecting your partner to know what you want. Verbal communication is always an important key in a strong relationship. I'm a straight guy who really likes romantic comedies, especially The Bachelor with Chris O'Donnell and Renee Zellweiger, but as with any kind of movie, may it be an action, horror or suspense, romantic comedies should be viewed solely for entertainment and not something that you hope to imitate.

Romantic Comedies are not always something that occurs in real life, and I think its because of women's lib. Women get offended when a man opens the door, and giving up your seat on the subway or bus is not always welcomed. I see it all the time. Women are confident now in a way that is intimidating to men who do have a romantic side. I have so many male friends who are afraid to be romantic because women don't want to be weaker, get special attention, or though of as dependent upon this type of attention. Women also play tricks on themselves saying, "Oh honey, I don't want anything for my birthday." When in reality they do. They are hoping there significant other will deem them worth the effort against their supposed wishes. If women would be okay with showing a side that really appreciated those small things their husbands, or boyfriends actually do, maybe we would have a more romantic result later. My husband proposed to me downtown in front of an old, handpicked, church that resembled the caslte in cinderella. When we walked up he had my friend playing the violin and a glass slipper on a handsewn sild pillow made by his grandmother. He had her embroider my favorite flower, a red rose, on the front of it. There was a love note on the pillow, and her got on one knee to propose to me on his own birthday!! He brought me inside the church and we had both of our families waiting for us with camera's. When we came back out a horse and carriage were waiting for us to parade us around for an hour, only to drop us off at a restraunt on the waterfront for dessert. It was better than the movies.

i am loving the comment that billyart101 left. This is good stuff! As much as I love to sit down and watch a romantic comedy (loved 27 dresses. that was too cool... and Made of Honor, another great movie...) they by no means make me feel like my own life, romance and marriage should reflect what i just saw on the screen.
i met my match, i fell in love. no we didnt watch sunrises and/or sunsets day in and day out. he didn't rescue me from my confused fantasy that i was in love with a boss who barely knew i existed. no he didnt come riding in on a horse to rescue me in the pouring rain when i made my trip to scotland, nor did he completely disrupt my wedding-in-progress to proclaim his life-long love to me and keep me from marrying an idiot.
he did, however, make it real in his own ways. yeah, he planned a candle lit dinner after we'd dated 6 months- sure he proposed over dinner at a beautiful restaurant on our 9 month dating anniversary~ HE put forth the effort to make it uniquely him.
i believe romance is needed to keep your relationship alive. we've been married just over 5 years and i totally enjoy the 'bad' times in bed as well as the 'good' times. why? because its him. it's us. you HAVE to work at a relationship. so who cares last night wasnt as good as monday night? i'm sure the same old boring routine would get a little stressful.
to make it all work, you have to be sure of yourself. you can't love and maintain a relationship if the one you have with yourself is unsettled.
"Romance is for real, mature people with real expectations, who are actually genuinely in it for the love of the coolness of this other person, and NOT because they're filling a void in themselves with this other human being, who probably has his/her own unmanaged baggage."

very very VERY well said.

Reading the Twilight series gave me an unrealistic view of relationships lol. And I've been very happily married for 3 years, involved with the same guy for 8. Still, Edward Cullen's pretty close to perfect:-D

Communication, communication, communication. Pretty much sums it up. If you fail to communicate in a relationship, then you're never work out the bugs and disagreements. Never go to bed angry and never believe that your or your partner's feelings don't matter.

argh... ok.. here is for you all.. stick this in you minds!!!
EVERYTHING EVERY EVENT! EVERY ACTION! EVERY THING THAT HAPPENS!! TO ALL LOVERS! ARE THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY ARE THE SAME!!!!!!
and here is what you should always always and always think...
you make your choices.. some people.. goes to right.. and some others goes to left.. its a matter of choices.. if you believe and live your life as romantic like you see in the movies.. it will come true.. only if you live your life the way you want it.. but if not.. the opposite way is the result.. so for me.. THERE IS A TRUE LOVE! is devotion that makes it true... and never giving up... thank you for the time you spent reading to what i said.. (or i mean words that i typed)

No, I do not believe Rom-Com have any effect on my relationship other than allowing my partner and I to enjoy a nice cuddly movie we and say awww too and kiss a lot. I am a Hopeless Romantic by nature and feel that my relationship is so good that it is better than the script to any Rom-Com. Soul mates complete each other fully and If your not with your Soul mate, break up and keep looking for you only hold yourself and your partner back from the chance at complete happiness. Also, the break up part is very, very important. before meeting my Soul mate at the end of my last relationship that was in ruin but not completely severed I met a nice girl and things were going great until she found out from someone in town that I wasn't officially broke of with the Ex from before (even though I hadn't seen said Ex) and it scared off the nice girl. Luckily that same day I went to the Ex's house and made the brake up Official so as not to jack up the real thing when it did come along and thank god I learned that lesson when I did or I would have never been able to fully commit when I did meet the girl of my dreams
To close this, cuddle up to a good Rom-Com and get your smooches on for if you are with your soul mate it's like chocolate cake to the mind and body, or if you haven't met your soul mate make sure to have fun in life until you do for there are many worth while lessons to learn and experiences to be gained through trail and error along the way, now I bid you all ado.

Sincerely,
Donn
Hopefull Romantic in MA

These are OK for single people who want hope and fantasy, they are not good for couples ... especially if one partner ends up taking it seriously for comparison.... effortless compatibility, ea$y money, etc. If life were like the movies, then my partner would also look like Ed Burns, Mathew M, or Ashton. ;-D

Honestly..I don't agree with this. People should know the difference between what's real and what's in the movies. I have been with the same guy for a while now and I've known him for a long time and even though I love watching romantic movies I'm never disappointed about our relationship. I know that it's only "fake" romance in the movies and when we watch romance movies I'm even more grateful that I've found the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. He still finds ways to sweep me off my feet and fall in love all over again. So no I don't agree with this. People should learn the difference.

wow i thought i was the only one who thought like this"
i absolutely believe it to be true!
i had an ex that made feel like i was in a cross between a reality show and some wishy washy romance movie! jeez

lol you guy's really believe that there isnt any couple in this big world who have a relationship like couples in romantic comedy's in the movies ???!!!! lol who ever believes that isnt romantik them selfs,and propebly wont ever have a relationship that romantic !!!
i often see old couples on a bench looking at eachother with the most romantic-inlove-look and smiling !!! if that aint like the romantic comedy's i dont know what is !!!!

I have thought exactly that for years. The idea of a "soul mate" creates an unrealistic expectation that hinders people from truly connecting. Not only does it create the expectation that your significant other should instinctively know what you think and feel, as the article states, but it also continues the myth that there is one person out there who was "meant" to be with you, and that you will "know" that person when you meet them. I'm sure this happens to some people, but for those it doesn't it leaves them wondering why their partner doesn't give them that feeling.
The other myth that romantic comedies perpetuate is the "follow your heart" idea. While it sounds romantic, I know from my own experiences that that path doesn't always lead to happiness. Often it leads to the opposite.

Movies, for better or worse, are all slanted by the fact they are shot from an 'angle'. I think romantic comedies are real, they just omit the truly hard things and present the good and challenging in entertaining terms. Love is not always entertaining or hurtful, sometimes it is balnd, boring, and so disfunctional you just want to check it, and yourself, into a looney bin and be done with it. Love can fail to be glamorous, instead it can be embarrasing and passe. BUT!!!! You HAVE to remind yourself that spliced in the mundane there are magical moments and you can find ALL the special things you see in the movies (with a little baggage on top)! I believe when you are trully in love you'll find your bags and those of your partner match/fit together and through continous improvement life can be magical.

I am living proof that romance happens. I was a 30 year old school teacher who thought she would never find love. My husband was divorced and serving his first deployment to Iraq. We met online in 2006 and fell in love. It was absolutely like something out of a movie!! We met 2 months after we started writing. He came home in November and we got married that Spring. I believe and love and romance, and so does he...so it does exist!!

I absolutely disagree with that statement. Reason being: love is what you make it and like I tell my children, E V E R Y T H I N G you see on television/silver screen is not real. Love and sex are truly what a person perceives and desires it to be.

I believe that NO ONE is "tailor made" for anyone. If you've been in the relationship cycle it's always I wish he had the sense of humor of John, the sexual experience like James, the looks of Keith and so on and so forth. Television/silver screen gives this illusion that love is picture perfect. However, people should know the difference between real life and fiction.

If your unrealistic in life then you'll be unrealistic in love. I enjoy the romantic comedies because I can borrow from them some ideas. Yes love and relationships can be comedies and very fulfilling.
The key is be realistic, communicate and if you want something you must give before you take. Sad most men want before they give, put the women first and you'll get what you want. My father was a great role model.